Believing...

Hey, Friends!

If you keep up with my blog, you know that a few weeks ago, I had one of those life altering, Jesus encounters.  A moment when, for me, everything changed.  I have felt so much release and peace since that moment, and God has been giving me glimpses of who He truly is.  I feel so much joy.  More than I have felt in a really long time.

That being said, I have been praying for revelation from God.  That He would show me who He is.  That He would tear down all the walls around my heart (and brain, for that matter) and that I would begin to experience ALL of who He is.  That I would have faith that He is who He says He is.  That I would believe.

I can't speak for anyone else out there, but sometimes, I have a hard time truly believing.  Belief in the unseen can sometimes be difficult for our little finite brains to wrap around.  I have never had a problem believing in God, that He sent His son Jesus, that through Christ, I am saved.  I have no problem believing that Jesus is coming back one day, and that I will spend eternity with Him.  I have a hard time believing in the everyday things--Can I believe Him when He says He LOVES me, just a girl who can't seem to get it together?  Can I believe Him when He says that even though things seem impossible to me, that with Him all things are possible?  Can I believe He has the ability to heal the sick, just like that?  Can I believe that He knows the desires of my heart, and wants good for me?

Those are the hard things for me.  Seems ridiculous, right? 

For the last week, through conversations and scripture, God has been urging me to truly, 100%, wholeheartedly believe.  To release those doubts to Him.  And to not just believe for small things--but to start believing for incredible, earthshaking, unbelievable things.

I actually shared this verse on Facebook when I came across it, but will share it here as well.

"Look at the nations and watch--and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe if you were told."                                             Habakkuk 1:5

God tells us right there that He is going to do something so incredible that it would be hard for us to believe.  How encouraging is that?? 

I am believing that God is going to continue to do incredible things in my life.  And I am believing that God will do something incredible in your lives as well. 

Be blessed!
Jenn

A List of Thoughts...

One thing I like is a good list.  Today is definitely a list kind of day for me.  How do I know?  I have two million thoughts running through my head, and it would be impossible to form any kind of uniformity between all of these thoughts.  Hence, the list.  Here goes...

- My days are a million times better when I start them hanging out with Jesus.  I mean, I think that spending time with Jesus is an important part of any day, whether first thing, on your lunch break, or at night when you settle down for the day.  But for me, I am definitely sure that my morning needs to start with Jesus.  The last couple of days I have laid in bed with my cup of coffee, read the word, and had some seriously good convo with the Lord.  And it has  brought so much joy to the rest of my day.

Psalms 5:3In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait in expectation.

- Working out, in some form or fashion, every day, is an amazing mood booster :)  I honestly feel better about myself and my day when I do some kind of physical exercise.  It jumpstarts my day, and I feel a million times more productive.  I recently started a new workout program called (don't laugh) Rockin' Body.  It was created by the same guy who started Insanity (which I am not insane enough to try).  I have actually really enjoyed it so far--it's mostly dancing...brings me back to my cheerleading days :)  It's a 4-week program...so I am going to try to be diligent in finishing it!

- When you pray for the Lord to show you something awesome in Scripture...He will be faithful in doing so.  Happened to me this morning.  It was the smallest thing, but had a huge impact on my heart and gave me an overall feeling of peace.

- I love being a stay at home wife :)  Some (or several) people may look down upon that, but there is nothing I love more than being able to serve my husband by cleaning and cooking, and just being here for him for whatever he needs.  For a while, I have worried that people would think "bad things" about me, but I really don't care anymore.  I'm at peace with where God has me right now, in this moment.  And if He decides that needs to change, I will follow whatever His plan may be. 

- My sweet puppy is like the light of my life :)  She is crazy, and energetic, but is the greatest little (or huge, I should say) companion.  She's my buddy.

I guess that is all for now...

Be blessed!!!
Jenn

Heart Change

About a month ago, I blogged about how I was going to take somewhat of a 30 day challenge--something private and personal--and even though it definitely was a challenge (in more ways than you know) it actually turned in to quite a heart changing journey for me.

I know I said I would tell everyone what my challenge was, but after some thoughtful consideration, I decided that I didn't need to share all the details, but rather the outcome. 

I can say that without a doubt, God has been wrecking me.  I can't even really explain it.  And although my journey was about seeking change in a sitution--the real change needed to happen in me.  I have struggled with who I am for a long time...and I am finally realizing that my mentality about who God is and who I am in Him has been misconstrued.

It is honestly pretty hard for me to even share this.  To be brutally honest about it.  I am not entirely sure I even want to, but I know it is important for me to share this because it may be a part of the healing process and it may help someone else in some small way.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been somewhat of a "goody-too-shoes"...I have had clear visions of what I saw as right and wrong--not necessarily what Scripture claims to be right and wrong.  Where these ideas came from...who knows... maybe from church, maybe from adults in my life, maybe from going to a Christian college.  But there is a good chance that maybe my own little brain produced them with no rhyme or reason.  I have never liked to disappoint anyone.  I have lived my life wanting to do everything perfectly--to be the perfect daughter, to be the perfect friend, to be the perfect wife, and most importantly, to be the perfect Christian.  The fact that someone could be disappointed or upset with me would absolutely be the end of the world for me.

I totally believe in trying to be our best.  But my problem is that I have tried to be something I can never be, and in doing that, I was constantly letting myself down.  I have honestly lost all sense of self-confidence because I never feel good enough.  I have set such high expectations for myself, that there is no way I could ever meet them.  I have lost sight of the fact that God thinks I am beautiful no matter what I do or don't do...no matter how many times I mess up.  I have literally worn myself out trying to be something I can never be. I have played the comparison game far too many times, and always end up beating myself up.  I have somehow started to believe that if I am not this "perfect" person, that God is somehow going to love me less. 

That is a hard thing to realize.  And kind of embarassing.  And kind of scary.  I know in my head, that God loves me.  Period.  I know that my parents love.  Period.  I know that my husband loves me.  Period.  But somehow in my heart, that is hard for me to believe that they would love me...no matter what!

The point to this post is that sometimes I think that I have no idea who God really is.  My prayer is that He will sweep all of the misconceptions of who He is and who I am out of my mind.  That my thoughts would be like a clear tablet--and that He would begin to reveal to  me who He really is.  That I will begin to find peace in that.  That I would truly be able to find peace with who I am and who He created me to be.

Sorry this is so lengthy...I hope it makes sense.  Life is definitely a journey, isn't it?

Be blessed!
Jenn

A 30 Day Plan

Hi, friends!

I know it's been a while since I hit up the 'ol blog...and I literally have no excuse besides laziness.  But, alas, I am back and pretty excited to share something with you.

Today marks the beginning of a new plan.  An attempt, I guess you could say, for change.  An attempt at TRULY trusting God, and trusting in His ability to "move mountains."An attempt to accept His love, accept that I am worth something to Him.--and to give that love to others.

Here is the kicker:  I can't tell you what it is until 30 days are over.  I know, I am such a tease.  I am sharing in hopes that anyone who reads this will be in prayer over me and this plan God has laid on my heart.  This heart/attitude/life change for me will not always be easy, so any prayer would be appreciated.

I am so hopeful and confident that at the end of this month, I will have an awesome story for you about God's goodness and faithfulness that will give some of you hope!

{PS--For those of you who are familiar with my life right now, this has nothing to do with a b-a-b-y :)  Although, that would be nice, too!}

Be blessed!
Jenn

Half Marathon Recap

This past Sunday, I ran my second half marathon with my amazing sister, Mere. We ran in the Gulf Coast Half Marathon on Pensacola Beach.

After running my first half about a year ago with my hubby, I really didn't know if I would do it again. I didn't exactly love running. I didn't decide to do another half until I went to cheer on my sister-in-law, Christy, at her half in January. I was up for the challenge again.

Training this time around was pretty good. And for the first time, I was starting to enjoy running. This was a new feeling for me. I would usually dread going out for a run. I finally found a comfortable pace, and decided that it wasn't about how fast I was running, but how I felt during the run.

We arrived at Pensacola Beach around 6ish on race day. The sun was rising, there was an incredible breeze, and it really couldn't have been a more beautiful day for a run. Mere and I lined up towards the back of the running line-up so we wouldn't be a roadblock for the fast runners :)

The first half of the race was pretty awesome. It was nice and cool, and our energy level seemed to stay up. We stayed good and hydrated. I felt great! About mile 10, it started getting really hot and my knees started aching, but I still felt really good. I was ecstatic when I saw the 12 mile marker...

As I neared the finish line, I saw my amazing family cheering me on. That makes all the difference in the world.

I finished with a time of 3:03. Yes...I am aware that is slow. But I don't care. I honestly felt awesome the entire race and finished with a smile on my face!

God answered so many of my prayers-- I had no dehydration issues, no side or stomach cramps, and had a lot of energy the whole race.

It is nice to know that I don't have the pressure to train anymore, and that I can just go out for a run when I feel like it. It will be a while before I do another half--but I definitely plan to keep running :)

Be blessed!

Jenn

Let it Go...

"Sometimes, you just have to let things go."

Ever heard that quote? I usually hear this when I least want to hear it, if you know what I mean. There is a lot of truth to it, but it is not always the easiet thing for me to do.

The older I get, the more I see that I cannot control everything. Some things are completely out of my control. And through that lack of control--I have to learn to "roll with the punches."

Lately, I have had some situations in my life where I so desperately want things to change--and no matter what I do or say--things stay the same. Sometimes I think I even make them worse. I get frustrated. I want to just throw my hands in the air and scream, "What's the point??". I find myself racking my brain for solutions--when the only conclusion that makes sense is to: Just give it God, Jenn--give it to God.

Sometimes you just have to give up the reigns, and trust God to change a situation. I totally believe in being proactive for positive change with some serious prayer tied in, but sometimes you get to a point where you have to entrust it fully to God. A place where you will believe for some serious change that could only be the work of God's hands. Then God gets the glory when He answers. And I get to add yet another time to my testimony where God was faithful.

He has much more power than I do. There is something incredibly peaceful about knowing that I am placing my problems and burdens into the same hands that created this universe.

So after I give it to God--then comes the really hard part. The waiting...

Sometimes I don't feel like I can make it--my heart hurts, my frustrations get me down, satan tries to make me feel like the most insignificant person on the planet--and it's definitely in the waiting period where satan does his best to ruin you.

I was encouraged by Psalm 55:22 which says this:

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."

Not only can I give Him all of my burdens, but He will sustain me!! He won't let me lose all hope. Man, if that isn't encouraging, I don't know what is!

God is definitely being faithful to sustain me in this waiting period--He is good no matter what :)

Be blessed!!

Jenn

Just an Update :)

It has been over two months since my last post...just call me a blog slacker! I can't say that I have been too busy to write--or even that I haven't had any thoughts to share. The truth is I have almost had too much to say, and the thought of sitting down and typing it all out was just too overwhelming :)

I figured it was time to at least give an update--in list format--because that's how I roll :)

• David and I are all settled in after our move to Navarre, FL in December. We are loving the area. David loves his job. I love being a stay at home wife for the time being. It has been so refreshing to be back around friends and family. I still have to stop and give some major thanks to God who worked everything out so intricately for us to be back near the people we love--it was only by God that this could have come together like it did.

• We had a recent addition to our family--our sweet (and crazy) boxer pup, Delilah. She has definitely been some added humor to our lives, and when she isn't running around like we all know puppies like to do, she is the sweetest, snuggliest thing. We love her. She has definitely been a lot of work--I feel like I am getting practice in for being a parent :)

• David and I have been training for different goals--for me it's a half marathon and for him a half Iron Man triathlon. My race is actually this Sunday at Pensacola Beach--and I am excited. I am doubly excited because my sister, Meredith, is coming to race with me. Somehow several months ago I convinced her to run it with me. It will be her first half! I know she is going to do just fine :) Definitely a cool sister bonding activity. David has been working his butt off with his training--from running half marathons like it's nothing to doing 56 mile bike rides...I am amazed by him. Seriously. His triathlon is in May :)

• God has blessed us in some amazing ways. I can't say things are perfect in our lives--we have definitely had our share of trials the last few months, but in the end, there is joy because we know that we serve a God who has our best interest at heart and loves us unconditionally!

I think that is about it...for now at least. Stay tuned for more posts to come (hopefully).

Be blessed!!

Jenn