When You Choose Joy...

I think we can all agree that this life is not always rainbows and butterflies.  Life is hard.  It is full of new challenges every single day.  And sometimes, those challenges can give you jaded vision. Sometimes those challenges can lead you down a path that takes you to a place you would rather not be. And one day you wake up and wonder how you even got to that place. 

I can testify this from experience.  I mentioned in my last post that I had gotten to one of those "something's gotta give" places.  I got to a point where I decided I could either be miserable or I could CHOOSE joy.  I could CHOOSE Jesus.

It isn't always easy, friends.  And I hate to admit that.   I know, deep down, that I will always choose Jesus--but that means letting go.  I am not good at that.  It's hard to let go of the hurts, and the confusion, and the questions.  It is hard to let go of expectations and feelings of inadequacy.  But what I realize, time and time and time again, is that when I do--things become clearer.  My spirit longs for Jesus again.  My heart trusts.  Those things that seem unbearable suddenly are healed.  Those things that seem impossible, become possible again.  And you cannot help but be joyful.

By choosing joy again, my life has been changing.  In a REALLY GOOD WAY.  I find myself desiring Jesus more and more.  Craving my time with Him.  I find myself praying that I will allow Him to satisfy my soul.  That my joy will come solely from knowing that HE LOVES ME.  He loves my heart.  And the relationship I have with Him is the most sacred relationship that I could ever have--and it's just between me and Him.   And it doesn't have to look a certain way.  My relationship with Jesus doesn't have to look just like hers...or his...or theirs...no, it is mine.  I have focused my eyes back on what is really important.  And I pray from the depths of my heart, that my eyes will stay fixed on Jesus.  And when those trials come again (and we all know they will) that instead of turning to the right or the left and seeing trial after trial--I will only see Jesus.

So, choose joy, friends.  I had a dear friend tell me that you may have to make that choice every day...or every hour...or every minute.  But always choose joy.

Be Blessed!

Time for a "Catch Up" Blog

Wow.  It has been a long time since I last blogged.  Life has been full of changes, events, and just a whole lot of busyness.  I figured I would write a quick blog to catch up on what has been going on--list style of course!

• I started teaching again this year.  Kindergarten.  I forgot how much energy those little munchkins have!  It has been absolutely crazy, challenging, stressful--but so incredibly rewarding and beautiful at the same time.  I knew from the beginning that me getting this job was no coincidence.  The way that GOD worked it all out--was nothing of my own doing.  And there are days where I have to remind myself that He has equipped me to work with these kids.  I have already come to love them like they were my own.  Everyday their hugs and "I love yous" make all the tough days worth it! I think it has filled a void in my heart, for now, and I am thankful for that.

• My sweet sister got married a week ago.  It was so incredibly beautiful!   She was beautiful.  The whole thing...just beautiful!  It was so much fun being able to catch up with family and friends and to get away for a weekend!  I made it through my responsibilities of singing during the ceremony and giving a toast without completely bursting into tears.  I consider that a huge accomplishment!  And I realized that my hubby has some killer moves on the dance floor :)

• Now for a bit of honesty...I think that I came to one of those "rock bottom" places in life over the last several months.  I slipped into a place that was full of sadness, hopelessness, and even some bitterness.  I didn't want to see friends.  I didn't want to do anything but sleep. I definitely did not feel close to God.  And I felt like I was losing my mind. I finally reached a place where I realized that I was just letting Satan win.  I was basically handing my joy right over to him without a fight.  I think in life we can probably say that we all get tired of fighting sometimes.  Just plain worn out.  Especially when it seems like things are never going to get better.  But friends, we have to just keep fighting, and we don't have to do it alone.  I finally broke down one day, and begged the Lord to heal my heart and to fill me with hope again.  And, long story short, He was faithful to answer me.  For the first time in a really long time, I feel peace.  Peace with where God has placed me right now.  And instead of asking "why?" over and over, I am trusting that He knows what He is doing.  It is pretty apparent to me that when I try to do it by myself, I fail.  EVERY TIME.

• I desperately desire more Jesus.  And in the craziness that is my life right now, I am learning how important it is to make time for just being still and spending time with Him.

• I am pretty sure I have the Christmas bug...and pretty sure I am going to start decorating next weekend.  Before Thanksgiving {GASP!}.   I love this time of the year.  And for the last two years, David and I didn't get to decorate because we were moving--so I plan to do it big this year!

• On the health side of life--I have been sick, alot.  Nothing horrible, just enough to make me feel miserable.  On top of that, I have lost ten pounds since I started teaching.  I mean, I am not going to say that I don't like losing ten pounds, but I don't like losing it because of stress and unhealthy eating habits.  So, all that to say, I could use your prayers.  I desperately need to get better at taking care of my body--eating healthier and exercising.  I know I would feel a lot better :)

Well, I think that is all for now :)  Or at least all I can think of.  Until next time...(and hopefully it won't be three months!)

Be blessed!

A Reminder...

Last night, I was attempting to sleep.  But I couldn't.  My mind and heart were racing.  And my spirit felt crushed.  I pleaded in thought that God would give me just a glimmer, just a glimpse of what is to come, just a reminder that He has my deepest concerns in His hands.  A reminder that when my heart hurts, He knows, and more importantly, He cares.

I did what I always do--I put earphones in, cranked up the praise music, and disappeared to a place that allows me to just rest in His presence. I sat and listened to the God breathed lyrics, and every song that happened to come on my Bethel Pandora station reminded me that the God I serve is beautiful.  And BIG.  Bigger than any feeling or emotion.  Bigger than the huge boulder that seems too heavy to move.  Bigger than the range of mountains that look impossible to climb. And the fact that God is that big, but still loves me and cares about me...literally brings me to tears.

Hillsong's This is Our God came on.  And the lyrics--"I will fall at Your feet, and worship You here,"  just pierced my soul.

I can come to Him and fall at His feet...
broken
tired
confused
heartbroken
weary
And He accepts my worship.


I can worship Him...
 right here
right where I am in this life
in the midst of trial

I can worship Him because He is...
GOOD
MIGHTY
JUST
BEAUTIFUL
STRONG
MY REFUGE
THE LOVER OF MY SOUL
MY REDEEMER
CREATOR 
MERCIFUL 
FULL OF GRACE
MY FRIEND
MY SAVIOR
THE ONE WHO KNOWS MY HEART
HOPE
MY ANCHOR


No matter what we see in this life--He will always be all of those things. He will always be everything that I need.  Nothing can or will ever change that.

Be blessed!

An Ode to Friendship...

This post may be a bit sappy.

Sorry {but not really}.

This morning, I was sitting on my couch, sipping coffee and having a conversation with Jesus.  It felt amazing to be in His presence.  I started praying for my sweet friends, and I got a bit choked up.  Ok, a lot choked up.  And an overwhelming sense of thankfulness flooded my heart.

You see, I have the greatest friends in the world.  Really, I do.  I have done nothing to deserve such great people in my life, but I am so thankful God decided to cross our paths.

I had a conversation with my wise sis-in-law, Christy, not too long ago, and she reminded me of this story.  Such a beautiful portrait of what friendship is...

"And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses' hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun."

Exodus 17:11-12

I can say that my friends are very much like Aaron and Hur.  When I felt like I couldn't hold my arms up any longer, that I was just too weak, those very friends swooped in and held my arms up for me.  They were my support.  They were able to be strong for me when I just couldn't be.  Isn't that how friendship should be? 

So, this post is an ode to friendship.  

God gave me the greatest friends in college--Katie and Merry.  I prayed for them before I ever knew them--and God went beyond my expectations when He blessed my life with their friendship.  They have seen the good in me, and the not so good, and have loved me unconditionally.  They have inspired me, and kept me accountable.  Their lives and stories are a constant encouragement to me--the way they seek Jesus is just beautiful.  No matter the distance between us (and that distant is about to get exponentially larger!!), we will always be a part of each others lives.  I praise God for them :)

Then there is my sweet circle of girlfriends I have here in Pensacola.  I don't even know what to say about these women.  All I know is that God knew I needed them.  I have never doubted that God brought us back to live in this area for a reason--and I truly believe that one of those reasons was so that I could be a part of a family of sisters who truly seek Jesus.  These women are real, and they have allowed me to be real and honest.  They have allowed me to let my guard down.  I can't even express in words how much these ladies mean to me.  I have never felt more loved by a group of girls.  They are truly my spiritual sisters.  And when these girls say they are praying for you, they mean it!  It is amazing to see how God placed us all together--how we have had different situations, but very similar journeys.  How we have been able to encourage one another, cry with one another, and definitely laugh with one another!  So, to you girls (and you know who you are)--I love you.  I am thankful for each of you. So very thankful.

And lastly, there is my sister.  My one and only little sis.  Over the years, I have seen our relationship blossom into a beautiful friendship.  We are as different as can be, but I think that is why we get along so well!  I love that we will always have a connection, as sisters, that I can never have with anyone else.  My sis is getting married soon, and I feel so incredibly honored that I get to stand beside her on that day.  She is beautiful, inside and out.  Love you, sissy.

Take some time today to love on your friends.  They say that good friends are hard to come by :)  so hold on to your friendships with all you have and be intentional!  I will end with this sweet little quote from the very wise Winnie the Pooh:  

"No one can see the seeds of friendship, but they grow in to something beautiful."

Be blessed!

Pray Without Ceasing...

Prayer.  The lifeline to the very God who knit us together--who knows our every thought.

We pray when we are thankful.  When we are terrified.  When we need something bigger than ourselves.

And God--He hears us.  Even when our mouths can't even formulate the words, He knows.

You know, there are things that I have been praying for over the last 3 years.  Big things.  And at times, it took all I had to even mutter the words to Jesus.  Because it felt like He didn't hear me. 

But I kept on praying.  Even if it was as simple as saying "please help me, Lord."  The Word tells us to pray without ceasing.  So, I tried to do just that.

I know that God is faithful.  And when I look back on my life, and see how He worked everything out, how His hand was on me and the ones I love, I am amazed.  Recently, God answered a prayer.  In an unexpected place and time.  And it was literally the most beautiful thing I have experienced in a really long time.  Because God was there...His presence was so evident and so strong.  I can't even put into words what it did for this doubtful heart of mine.  Once again...God completely blew my mind.

Be encouraged...God hears you.  He works things out in His perfect time.  So, be patient...pray without ceasing...and you will see the goodness of the Lord.  I have a feeling that I am going to have some amazing things to blog about...God is up to something big!

Be Blessed!!
Jenn

{P.S.  No, I am not pregnant...for those of you who are bound to ask :)  But we are trusting and believing for that, too!}

When You Feel Lost...

This probably won't be my most eloquent of posts. Today I am just feeling lost and hurt and worn out.

For over a year, I have felt completely lost.  I feel like I am just floating along with no purpose and no direction.  No meaning.  And alone.  Just all alone.  I wake up every day praying that this will be the day where God reveals something big to me.  And I wait, and I listen.  I beg the Lord to show me something, anything, that will make my heart feel better.  But instead, I get silence.  And I wonder sometimes...is God really close to the broken hearted, to those broken in spirit?

Today, I was in my kitchen baking cookies and singing worship music, and something hit me.  Why don't I just let God do His work behind the scenes, and trust that it is going to restore some of this brokenness, that it is going to be a game changer?  All of my waiting is not wasted on our God.  My prayers are never wasted.  My tears, not wasted. Maybe my purpose right this second is to wait.  And instead of getting frustrated everyday, maybe I should just dwell here in the waiting. Maybe my purpose is to just keep seeking God and trusting that when He says He has a plan for me that wasn't created to harm me, but to prosper me, He means it!

See, God is close.  Even in silence, He is close.  He is the sweet little song birds whistling in the trees.  He is the warmth from the sun.  He is the laughter and smiles of a child.  He is that feeling of peace that comes over you as you pray.  He is the encouraging words from a friend.  Yes, He is here.  He is close to my side, and He is working.

A sweet friend of mine, who has let God speak through her into my life, reminded me in a conversation we had that God already knows my story, from beginning to end.  He sits on His throne knowing every single detail of this life.  And guess what, it ends in victory!  So, even as I struggle to know where I fit in and what comes next, I can rest assured that this story does not end in tragedy--but will glorify my Maker. 

Be blessed!

Hard to Love...

Let me start by saying that with this post, I am absolutely preaching to myself...with that being said...

Why do we pick and choose who we show love to?

Time and time again, we, as Christians, preach about love.  Giving love to others.  Loving others around us.  Loving those in our community.  Loving the needy, the poor, the bankrupt.

But I bet if we all looked at our lives--we would have people that we choose not to love.  We choose to let our pride, or our fear, or our hurts stop us from doing what we are called to do as followers of Christ. 

God doesn't give us an option on who we are to reach out to.  He doesn't say that we should just love the good people, and not the liars.  He doesn't say that we should just love the pure of heart, and not the cheaters and thieves.  He doesn't say that love only goes out to those who love us back. 

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35

 

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."

1 Peter 4:8

 

 

LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SINS.  Just let that sink it...

 

There is someone I know that God is calling me to reach out to--and with all that I am--I do not want to do it.  Oh, I don't want to.  And I don't really know how.  But I can either sit back and ignore Him, believing this person has no good inside of them. Or I can remember that this person was created by God, which in itself IS GOOD.  That because God loves them, so should I.  That even the darkest of sins are covered by God's love and by Jesus' blood. 

 

I know that loving some people is NOT easy by any means.  But that is where God steps in, and softens our hearts.  He gives us His eyes to see past the bad, and to see a person's heart.  I would hate to know that someone didn't know Christ because I was too prideful not to reach out to them. 

 

The truth of the matter is that I am no better than my worst enemies.  Sin is sin, no matter how we try to justify it in our minds.  And I am so thankful that God decided to love me despite of all the bad in me.  Praise God for His grace.

 

Maybe that ounce of grace, that little bit of love that you show someone else would change their life.

 

Love and blessings,