For over a year, I have felt completely lost. I feel like I am just floating along with no purpose and no direction. No meaning. And alone. Just all alone. I wake up every day praying that this will be the day where God reveals something big to me. And I wait, and I listen. I beg the Lord to show me something, anything, that will make my heart feel better. But instead, I get silence. And I wonder sometimes...is God really close to the broken hearted, to those broken in spirit?
Today, I was in my kitchen baking cookies and singing worship music, and something hit me. Why don't I just let God do His work behind the scenes, and trust that it is going to restore some of this brokenness, that it is going to be a game changer? All of my waiting is not wasted on our God. My prayers are never wasted. My tears, not wasted. Maybe my purpose right this second is to wait. And instead of getting frustrated everyday, maybe I should just dwell here in the waiting. Maybe my purpose is to just keep seeking God and trusting that when He says He has a plan for me that wasn't created to harm me, but to prosper me, He means it!
See, God is close. Even in silence, He is close. He is the sweet little song birds whistling in the trees. He is the warmth from the sun. He is the laughter and smiles of a child. He is that feeling of peace that comes over you as you pray. He is the encouraging words from a friend. Yes, He is here. He is close to my side, and He is working.
A sweet friend of mine, who has let God speak through her into my life, reminded me in a conversation we had that God already knows my story, from beginning to end. He sits on His throne knowing every single detail of this life. And guess what, it ends in victory! So, even as I struggle to know where I fit in and what comes next, I can rest assured that this story does not end in tragedy--but will glorify my Maker.
Be blessed!
