The Air is Changing...

It has been since August since I last blogged.  I guess it is safe to say that I am a chronic sporadic blogger.  But that's ok.  Makes every blog count a little bit more, right?

Things in the Raney household have been CRAZY. BUSY. as of late.  Lots of working for both Hubby and me.  But still wonderful, nonetheless.

These past few months, as busy as they have been, have been a breath of fresh air.  A shift in thinking can make all the difference in the world.  I have been making a conscious effort to be present, not wishing away this season of life (as I wrote about in my last blog...).  To look for the good in everything (my ZTA creed just came rushing back to me...haha).  But really, there is GOOD in everything if we look hard enough.  And making an effort to really, REALLY be thankful.  Because in reality, I am so rich.  I have an amazing husband, a job I absolutely adore, friends that make life more beautiful, and a family that I would not trade for anything.  And ultimately, I have Jesus.  Who loves me.  Crazy, dysfunctional, ME.  Sometimes you have to take a minute to just let that sink in.

Once I shifted my thinking from:
everything is horrible
nothing is ever going to change
I am miserable
why are things so hard?
I am an awful person
 TO:
 God has it.  
He has my life.  
He promises to not harm me, but give me hope and a future.  
I have hope.  
Look what He has done.  
LOOK WHAT HE HAS DONE...it's enough!  
I am blessed.  
He knows my heart.  
I believe in His promises for my life, and I will cling to them with all my might.

When I shifted my thinking...EVERYTHING CHANGED.

The joy I thought I had lost forever--was returned to me.  The anxious heart and physical anxiety I was experiencing--subsided.  The hopelessness was replaced with hope and security.  The fear of the future...all the why's...suddenly were answered with God is in control.  

Everything is not perfect...far from it.

All of my prayers have not been answered...

But that's ok.

I wasted three years of my life struggling to understand.  Struggling to have joy.  And struggling to even truly believe, if I am being completely honest.  Don't be like me.  Life is too short to live that way.  And maybe the truth is, I never really trusted God with my entire life.  With every single piece of it.  I was struggling to give over bits and pieces, holding on to them as if me being in control would EVER work.  No more of that.

So, as a new year approaches us so quickly--choose to be present, not wishing away your life.  Or always wishing things were different.  God has you where you are for a reason.  Instead of being sad, or mad, or confused about it--try looking for the beauty in it.  Because it is there shining in even the darkest of places.

Be blessed, friends!

  

On Being Content...

For those of you who read, it's no shocker that I have been in a season of waiting for a long time.  Waiting to be a mom.  Waiting for things to "look up".  Waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.  Always looking ahead, and wanting what seems to be out of my reach.  Wishing away the moments of today, and hoping for what's in front of me.

Yesterday, in my short 10 minute commute to work, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have to stop wishing away this season of life. 

I am a planner.  Always have been.  And really, that trait comes in handy with the career I am in.  Always prepared and ready.  Always knowing what is next.  But in life, let's just be real, our plans really never pan out the way we think they will.  I will be 30 in October (AHHHH!), and if my plans would have gone the way I wanted, I would be a stay at home mom with a few kids by now. 

The thing about my plans, is that they were MY plans--not God's plans.  God has obviously planned something very different for me.  Why is it so hard to accept God's plans over my own-when I know that ultimately, His plans are perfect and wonderful, and are much more than I could fathom? 

And as I drove, I began to think--I have to accept this place He has me. And not only accept it, but find the beauty in it.  I have to shift my thinking to the here and now, instead of wishing for the days to come.  Because, really, our days are short.  And every day matters.

So, as I am a month and a few short days from 30--I am accepting that instead of being a mom with my own kids, I am a Kindergarten teacher to 18 of the cutest kids ever.  I am accepting that I am not a stay at home mom and wife, but a working woman who may be a bit of a workaholic and who can rarely keep her house clean.  I am accepting that instead of investing my time into my own children, I get the privilege to invest my time and energy in my students--some of which need me to show them the love of Jesus. 

And not only do I accept this path that God has placed me on, but I am going to start rejoicing in it.  Because I am not worthless--He has given me a spirit of POWER--He has given me an amazing responsibility to LOVE His children, whom He treasures.  He has given me such a passion for working with  kids and a career where He can use me to teach love, compassion, friendship, and grace.  And that really is beautiful, and it really does matter. 

So, here is to being content in this season.  Here is to knowing I have all I need for right now.  Here is to knowing that God is good, and His plans are amazing, even with the hardships that certain seasons may bring.

Be Blessed!

 

It's All About Perspective...

God placed this one little word on my heart a few months ago--and I can't even tell you how life changing that one little word has been for me.

PERSPECTIVE. 

What is it about hard times that causes us to completely lose our perspective on life?  We get trapped in a mindset that what we have (or don't have) isn't good enough.  That this journey God has us on is just too hard.  That the people in our lives...well, they consistently let us down.  The list could go on.  It is so easy to get stuck in a place of negativity--especially when you feel like you can't see Jesus working.

Gosh, I have been living in that place of negativity for FAR too long.  And I don't even know how it got to be as bad as it did.  I had always been a positive person--happy and cheerful.  And then life happened, and BOOM--hope is lost, nothing is ever going to be ok, blah...blah...blah.  Ol' satan knows just how to play those mind games with you.

I guess it was way too easy to have tunnel vision--to only see the bad things. To focus so much energy on the bad.  To completely lose sight of all that is good.  And in life, there are always going to be "bad things"--we know that we are always going to face trouble.  But how are we going to choose to face those troubled times, those horrible things that make no sense?

IT'S ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.

I am re-training myself to look for the GOOD in everything.  Because it is there.  Sometimes it is hiding, and we have to search with all that is in us.  Sometimes the good may be the silliest thing or the smallest thing, but it is always there.   We have a choice in the way we see things in life, the way that we perceive.  It is OUR choice.  And if we want to see everything though eyes of negativity--well, the joy is going to be sucked right out of our lives.  Trust me, I know.  Life is too short for that, friends.

There are few things I know for sure in this life--but the ones I do know are this:
1. God is always working.
2. God already knows the plan for my life.
3. God is good, and He wants good for me.

Focusing on those things RIGHT THERE...keeps my perspective in check.

The other night my husband and I were talking--and he told me that lately I seemed so much happier. Our circumstances have not changed, we are still facing some of the same struggles we have been dealing with for a long time.  But I have chosen to change my perspective on those things.  It is amazing how much joy I have felt--just from changing the way I think about things.

So, today when you are looking on Facebook, and wishing you had something that someone else has--focus on what you DO have!  When your husband is getting on your last nerve, start listing all the amazing things about him.  When you think about how much you hate your job, thank God for giving it to you in the first place.  And when you feel like God isn't there--reflect on all He has already done--because, guess what, He is never giving up on you!

Be Blessed!!

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The Art of Letting Go...

I don't think that it is any coincidence that my devotion this morning started out with these words in big, bold letters:

THIS IS A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU MUST LEARN TO LET GO: of loved ones, of possessions, of control.  In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in my Presence, where you are complete.                                                          {Jesus Calling, Sarah Young}

Letting things go is not something that comes naturally to me.  Not in the least bit.  It is something that has to be learned.  Something that has to be practiced over and over again.  There have been a lot of things floating around this brain of mine lately.  The kind of things that wake you up in the middle of the night, and don't let you go back to sleep. The kinds of things that seem to seep into your dreams.

I am opening myself up to Jesus.  Because the truth is-- I have no answers to any of the questions in my head.  All I have is His word, and I have to trust what it says.  I have felt so conflicted in my spirit--wondering which way to go--wondering what the next step is going to be--wondering if I even have the strength to take a step in the first place.  My feet have been cemented to the ground for so long.  I am just so ready to move.  To move to a more beautiful, fulfilling place in life.  Jesus is already offering that me--I just have to take it.  I have to muster up the courage to step out in faith, to trust Him with the most important things in my life. 

I have been praying that the Lord would speak to me.   And He has been.

I felt Him saying so clearly to me, "Start writing things down.  Write down the small things, and the great.  Write down your fears, your triumphs, your questions.  Write them down because you ARE going to see my faithfulness.  I want you to have an account of my goodness. I want you to be able to see how I am working."

So, that's exactly what I have started doing.  I have been writing to Jesus.  And being more open and honest than I ever have been.  So often it is easy to hide.  To hide behind smiles or closed doors.  To hide what's really hurting you because it may not seem "Christian-like" to have feelings of confusion or doubt--or even anger.  Writing has been therapeutic in a way.  Sometimes no one really understands and it can leave you feeling so. so. alone--but Jesus always does.  He knows the deepest crevices of my heart.  And somehow, He loves me.

He has always been faithful to me.  And that isn't going to stop.  So, here's to practicing the art of letting go--to moving into grace and joy--and to letting Jesus be enough.

Be blessed, friends!

 

Oh, Soul...

"Soul, why are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?"- Psalm 42:5

David's words from Psalm 42 have been echoing in my mind the last few days.  And I find that I am uttering very similar words to my own soul.

Soul, why can't you snap out of it?

Soul, why are you so worried?

Soul, why are you so disheartened?

Soul, why do you feel so hopeless?

Soul, when will you rejoice again?  WHEN?

I know I often blog about this dry, desert season I am in.  And if you read, you may be thinking to yourself..."this season is never ending,"  and the truth is, it feels that way most of the time.  The honest truth is that there are days when I feel like the Lord has forgotten all about me. Prayers all around me are being answered, but my prayers are exhausted and hard to speak.  There are more days than not that I feel like I am blindly walking through this life, just holding on to that last bit of hope with all of my might.

The Lord has been very quiet in this season of life.  And I am desperately longing for His voice.  For just an "It's going to be ok.  I've got this."  My head knows that my heart and life are being held in His hands.  My head knows exactly what His word tells me.  The truth.  But my poor soul...my poor, weak, little soul is struggling.

David puts it so accurately when he says "My soul pants for you, God.  My soul thirsts for you."  There is nothing I want more than to feel close to the Lord.  To feel like I did in the days before this season began.  For my soul to be quieted by His love, and His grace.  For my soul to truly understand that despite all the gloominess, that there is always a reason to rejoice.  I have to find my Joy again.  And even though it may feel as if the Lord has left my side, He is right there.  Ready to pour His joy into me.  Ready to take this soul and change it.  So, for now, my soul needs a major pep talk...

Soul, it is going to be ok!

Soul, the Lord will quiet you with singing!

Soul, there is always HOPE!

Soul, a time of rejoicing is coming!

"My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you (your goodness, your mercy, your love, your sacrifice, your peace)..."  Psalm 42:6

Lord, bring to mind all the things you have done.  All the miracles.  All the healing.  All the beautiful things. All the ways you have rescued me. And let these things bring joy to my soul--even on the hardest of days.

Be Blessed!

 

What 2013 Taught Me...

Another year is gone.  Just like that, it is over.  And a new year is here.  I still can't believe it is already 2014!  This past year, like every year, had it's highs and lows, challenges, and joys.  And every year, there are lessons to be learned.  Here are the things that 2013 taught me...

• Life goes so quickly.  And I feel like the older I get, the faster the years seem to whiz by.  I often take time for granted, wishing for what the future holds, and not living in the here and now.  And I have missed out on a lot of joy because of that.  No more of that.

• God's love for me is perfect.  I have always known this--but this year I feel like I have actually learned what that truly means.  When something is perfect--it is unwavering.  And that means that God doesn't love me more when I am doing everything right, and He doesn't love me less when I am a huge mess.  Finally getting that fact has changed my life.  Seriously.

•   Letting go doesn't mean giving up.  This year I made a huge decision to let go of my plan.  And that was hard.  Really, really hard.  It broke my heart a bit.  But the second I let go, God took over and began pouring out the blessings.  There are so many things I am still praying for, and believing for, but I think I am right where I should be for now. 

• I belong in the classroom.  After a few confusing years of not teaching--I have realized that teaching is my calling, no matter how hard I tried to fight it.  Another thing I have realized is that teaching is my gift.  And instead of wishing I had a different gift, a more "spiritual" gift, I am thankful that God has given me such an amazing opportunity to love on the kids that enter my classroom every single day.  Teaching is a huge responsibility--especially when you think of it in the spiritual manner.  What I do and say each day matters.  Maybe not today, or next year, but it will influence my students.

• No matter how busy life gets-you have to make time for what is most important.  This year has been so incredibly busy.  I have been working a ton.  My hubby has been working a ton.  And while we love our jobs, and want to give our jobs our very best, sometimes we have to let go of things.  Let's be honest--our relationships with Jesus, our spouse, our family, our friends--those are the things that matter most.  In order to have any relationship--you must give it time, and attention.  I don't want to lose sight of what matters.

So, now that it is 2014, I am sure there are a million more lessons to be learned, mistakes to be made, and fun to be had.  And I welcome that.  My hubby and I were talking about our "goals" for 2014, and I can say that my goal is just to love better.  To love Jesus more.  To love my husband more.  To love my family and friends better.  To love others with a selfless heart.  And to love myself the way God created me.  Because, friends, that is what it is all about.

Happy New Year and blessings to you all!  I have no doubt that 2014 is going to be exploding with God's goodness.