Never Give Up Hope...

Almost three years ago exactly, Hubby and I were sitting in a doctor's office praying to hear the heartbeat of our baby after experiencing what we thought could have been miscarriage symptoms. I was very newly pregnant and had no clue what was going on with my body, but I was scared. I was trying with all my might to be hopeful-because I knew that God was capable of anything.  And then, we got the horrible news that there was no baby, and no heartbeat.  The doctor told us they thought it was an ectopic pregnancy, but that my body was "taking care of things" like it should be.  No medication needed.  No surgery needed.  For that we were grateful.  

Although my body seemed to be functioning correctly, my heart was a shattered mess.  I went through so many emotions- anger, confusion, pain, sadness.  There were times when I was so angry with God, but so thankful at the same time that He was with me.  My doctor at the time assured me that I seemed healthy.  That 1 in 4 women miscarry...that it was sadly common.  She told me that she was so sure I would have a healthy pregnancy.

And here I sit, three years later, wondering why my body has not done what it is supposed to do.  Why God hasn't answered the millions of prayers I have prayed.  Why my heart still feels like it is missing a piece.  

I don't say all of this to gain sympathy, but to say that even though it all, I have never lost my hope.   And I am still hoping.  And always will until God blesses us with a child, or tells us no, or leads us down a different path.  Even through it all, God has taught me more about who He truly is than I could have imagined.  The amount of Grace He has poured over me continues to amaze me.  Knowing that the tears I have cried have not been in vain.  That HE LOVES ME.  He has never left me.  He has not forgotten me.  The Lord has taught me that there is so much truth in the fact that when I am weak, He makes me strong.  

My wise Hubby asked me if I desired a baby more than the will of God.  And I had a hard time answering.  He encouraged me to pray for the will of God, WHATEVER that may be.  And that is truly what my heart longs for.To be in the will of God-EVEN IF that means I may never be a mom.  I believe in my heart that I will be a mom one day in God's timing, but if not, I want to be able to say "Okay, God, I trust you." And mean it.

Whatever you may be going through in your life, don't give up.  God isn't through with you or your story.  You aren't forgotten or alone. He loves you.  And if you have lost your faith, look around you.  God is everywhere.  I will end this post with some bits from Psalm 13.  I have never related more to a scripture than this. Focus on all that God has already done in your life and the lives around You, and trust that He will keep working all things together for the good of those who love Him!

"How long, Lord?  Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide Your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts, 

And day after day have sorrow in my heart?

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But I trust in Your unfailing love.

My heart rejoices in Your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord,

For He has been good to me!

Psalm 13: 1-2, 5-6

Be Blessed!