For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with anxiety. I have struggled big time with "taking my thoughts captive." My mind can be my biggest enemy sometimes. I am that person who lives in her head. And I go through phases--times where I feel in control of my thoughts and body, and times when I do not. As someone who loves Jesus with all of her heart, it is hard to admit this. I know that fear and anxiety stem from a lack of trust. And don't we all desire deeply to trust God wholeheartedly?
That being said...this past week has been a huge wake up call for me.
If you read my blog, or know me, you know our battle with infertility. Three years ago, we had a tubal pregnancy, which obviously led to miscarriage. I have tried my best to keep my faith strong. To trust that God was in control. But for three years, I have feared the worst. That something was wrong with my body. That I would never be a mother. And I have tried to just keep pushing down those fears instead of facing them.
This week, those fears manifested themselves in my body and mind as I faced a test that would tell me if those fears were viable. I became physically sick. I went days with no sleep (and that is not an exaggeration). I had to miss work. I felt like I was losing my mind. I felt like there was no way I could calm my body down--like adrenaline was rushing through me and I couldn't rest. I wanted to just crawl in a hole. I wanted to run away. I wanted to isolate myself because I was so embarassed for being so "worked up" over something that would probably not even phase most people.
The test gave us wonderful news. That my body is as it should be. And I cried and cried as soon as the doctor told me. Three years of being fearful led to this one moment in time where God just swooped in and reminded me that He is in control. And that there is NO REASON for me to fear.
This week has shown me how incredibly important it is for me to give my fears and anxiety to the Lord. To walk with Him daily, and to trust His truths. I have learned that I have to stop giving Satan power over my thoughts and my body. How often we do this without even realizing it! He is sneaky in his ways--and comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And he uses the things that are most important to us to try and pull us away from God. And I am tired of feeling a lack of peace. I know that the only way to have peace is to walk hand in hand with Jesus. To not give in to those lies being thrown my way. To be "strong and courageous." God has not given me a spirit of fear...no... that is not from Him. He has given me, and you, a spirit of POWER! That is truth.
So, if you are facing some fears and anxiety today--know these things...
1. You are not alone. God is walking with you, and He has already gone before you. He knows all of your days before any of them come to be.
2. Satan only has power in your life if you give it to him. Don't let him take your joy away.
3. "It is all going to be ok." My hubby's favorite words for me. But it is true. Nothing can ever tear us apart from Jesus. And eternity with Him...well, it will be beautiful and fear-free.
Be Blessed!
