The way He loves me--so tenderly--is far more than I can understand. He is so beautiful. And just. And He continues to pour out so much grace, because I can never get enough of it.
The last four years have been a challenge for my faith. The questions. The quiet. The wondering...What is God's plan? What is He piecing together in the spiritual realm to answer this ragged heart's cry of the physical realm? Does He really love me?
There have been moments where I have felt so far from the warmth of God. His comfort. And, although I never doubted His presence, I doubted His love for me. His plan for me. I desperately wanted to feel close to God again. To feel like I was walking hand in hand with Him, instead of running the opposite direction in fear. And I wondered why I just couldn't seem to get there, to get to that place again where it was just me and God, me and the One who stitched together this heart of mine, and who is the only One who can heal the scars.
I have been in this place for far too long. The place where the doubt runs deep, and seeps into every waking thought. I keep trying to fight the supernatural with logic. But God, He isn't logical. He is miraculous. And full of surprises. And so full of love for this doubting heart.
For a long time, I stopped praying for the longings of my heart, because it hurt everytime I tried to mutter the words. But I have started talking to God again. And He has been so faithful to listen with the most tenderness and patience. And I can't feel anything but gracious. Because He always welcomes us back to Him without judgement, or anger, and with His arms wide open.
I feel like I am starting to understand His love again. I have never felt it more. And never needed it more than I do right now. God knows every part of me. He knows my heart, and He loves it. This year I am letting God fight my battles. I am stepping back, being still, and letting Him fight for me. My hope will always be in Him, and I pray that I never lose sight of the fact that hoping is not in vain. The prayers, the tears, none of it is in vain.
As 2016 approaches, I pray you will all deeply know the love of God. That is will fill you, and grow you, and seep out of you.
Be blessed.
