It Is Well...

This morning, the words of  It is Well With My Soul  rolled off of my tongue.  I love that hymn.  I don't think it was a coincidence that God placed those lyrics on my heart. There is one line that hit me like a ton of bricks...one line that I want to be able to sing, and mean it with my whole heart.

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

 

If you keep up with me or my blog, you know that David and I have been trying to start our family for a while now.  We faced an early miscarriage. We waited months to even start trying again afterwards.  And now every month that passes without a pregnancy seems to break my heart.  I do everything I can to stay hopeful and positive.  I know what God says about my life in His word.  I know that my intense desire to be a mother does not go unnoticed by the One who made my heart.  But sometimes, I feel like it is never going to happen. And what if it doesn't?  Would it be enough knowing that God's will for my life is perfect? 

 

Right after I found out I was pregnant, and days before losing the pregnancy, I wrote these words in a post. 

"God has patched up a heart that was hurting, and refilled my life with joy--He has renewed my passion for Him--so much that I knew that if He never answered my prayer the way I desired Him to, that I would somehow find peace resting in His hands."

I desperately long to be in that place again.  I could lie and say that my heart fully believes those words that I wrote several months ago, but instead, it's a struggle.  Some days are easier than others.  I am so thankful that God pours His grace over me when I doubt. 

So, for now, I keep praying.  I keep hoping.  I keep asking for forgiveness when I doubt. I keep telling myself that GOD IS ENOUGH.  I keep God's promises on the tip of my tongue.  And I keep singing the words of that old hymn...

It is well with my soul...WHATEVER my lot may be.

Love and Blessings!