When You Just Can't Bounce Back...

Here comes some honesty.

I usually get over things pretty quickly--as in I am a glass half full kind of girl.  I have always been one to look for the good in things, no matter how hard they may seem at the time.  And that has helped me through the trials I have faced in my life up until this point.

Then the loss of a baby, and a dream.  And the "bouncing back" just isn't coming easily to me.  Not this time. 

I don't know how I was expecting to feel.  But it wasn't like this.  I haven't been able to feel much of anything the last few weeks.  Just numbness.  This is a new feeling for this overly emotional girl.  And just when I feel like I am beginning to heal--something else happens--and it makes it seem like this is never going to end.  The thought of even trying to have kids again--I just can't even really entertain the thought right now.  And that makes me sad.

On the health side of this, my body hasn't been cooperating exactly like it should.  I am still experiencing "miscarriage symptoms" five weeks after the fact, and my hormone levels are going  down, but are dropping very slowly.  Thankfully, after a visit with my doctor today, I was assured that there is no need for medication or surgery, and that my body is doing what it is supposed to, just very slowly...

So--all in all, I am ready for this to be over.  I want to move on.  I want to heal, physically and emotionally.  I'm just over it all.

Despite all of this--God has still been faithful to me.  I heard one of my all time favorite songs today--My Redeemer Lives by Nicole Mullen...an oldie but a goodie.  One of verses says this--and it was exactly what I needed to be reminded of today...

The very same God that spins things in orbit

Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak

And the same gentle hands

That hold me when I'm broken

They've conquered death to bring me victory.

 

And that, my friends, is truth.  That despite the trials we may face, God is holding us in His hands--those very hands that formed everything we see around us.  Those hands that pick us up, and guide us through the valley moments.  And despite those times when we feel like nothing will ever get better, we can hold on to the promise that we have victory because of Christ.  

I have been so thankful to those of you who have been lifting me up in words, and thoughts, and prayers.  You have no idea how blessed I have been by your outpouring of love and thoughtfulness.  I know that restoration is coming for me--and I know that this is not the end for my dreams of being a mom. Stay tuned because I know there will be more to this story...God's plan is perfect!

Be blessed!
Jenn